Sunday, May 15, 2016

A long time ago

A long time ago I started a blog and it kept me sane for three years while living in the states dealing with my youngest daughters illness and my homesickness. Then for two years I was quiet before I for a brif time wrote 25 posts in 2014 ending it while on vacation in the US.

I don’t know why I stopped writing other than somewhat feeling embarrassed that I wrote a blog and overwhelmed over the demands I put on myself in regards to the posts I wrote. 

Now I am thinking I should get back to writing again as a way to keep track of my thoughts and my days. I am not working at the time being and to keep myself busy now I think writing again would be good. Maybe also finding back to my camera again and play with taking pictures would be good. 

It seems like I had 58 followers at a time and I hope some of you are still out there. It would be nice knowing that there is someone out there reading this, but for the most part I will be writing for myself and my own wellbeing. 

Wellcome back.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Carrousel


Sometimes my life feels like a carrousel.
It goes round and round with its ups and downs. 

Today we went to the zoo and the kids got to ride on a carrousel there. 
We have been busy while being on vacation. 
Shopping and sightseeing. 
Visit to the beach.
Birthday party and hanging out with friends. 

It is hectic.
I'm having a hard time finding time to everyone and everything. 
I think I'm up rather than down. 
Turning around faster and faster. 

Tomorrow we will divide up.
My cousin and I will be downtown. 
Sightseeing and visiting the art museum. 
I am just hoping to be able to visit with more friends. 

 My carrousel keeps turning around. 
Not willing to stop anytime soon. 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Family


I have some very good friends.
For me they are family.
They want me in their lives. 

They accept me for who I am
and when I'm down they try to bring me up.

They love me for who I am 
and does not try to change me. 

My family is a mix of blood relatives
and friends who have chosen me.
I am blessed.

Sunshine


So far this summer the weather have been dreary. 
We had a week or so with sun and warm temperatures. 
The rest of the time it has been gray and rainy. 

We are so excited to go to Seattle.
The weather service reports really nice weather when we come. 
We are in need of some sunny weather. 

I wanted to go out running today.
The rain and wind made be stay inside. 

Found this quote on Pintrest.
It reminded me that I need to carry my own sunshine on the inside. 
A smile in my heart.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Random thoughts




Worrying


I saw my therapist today and we reflected upon my habit of worrying about days past and days coming. I am a worrying person and it sure does steel me of strength. 

I worry about what others are thinking of me. I worry if they like me or not. I worry that others might get angry with me. I worry that it is my responsibility to make everyone happy. I feel like everything that goes wrong around me is all my fault. 

My mind knows I am not responsible in any way for other peoples happiness, but my body disagrees.  I know that what people think of me is not my problem as long as I am myself. If people don't like me then they can stay away from me and I will leave them alone. I know that most of the time it isn't my fault what happens, but still my body takes responsibility for all of it. 

Every day I spend so much strength and energy on this that I am constantly tired. My heart is almost always racing and I have a hard time breathing. My mind is racing with thoughts of what I should do or what I should have done next time I meet or see someone. I just can't stop myself from doing so. It might be normal to some point, but not to the extend I do it and I know it.

I am always working on ways to avoid these thoughts and ways of reacting, but it is difficult on my own. After this summer my therapist and I will work on new strategies on managing this. 

Then maybe I will be able to stop worrying so much and finally start living life to the fullest.