Random thoughts

Worrying

I saw my therapist today and we reflected upon my habit of worrying about days past and days coming. I am a worrying person and it sure does steel me of strength. 

I worry about what others are thinking of me. I worry if they like me or not. I worry that others might get angry with me. I worry that it is my responsibility to make everyone happy. I feel like everything that goes wrong around me is all my fault. 

My mind knows I am not responsible in any way for other peoples happiness, but my body disagrees.  I know that what people think of me is not my problem as long as I am myself. If people don't like me then they can stay away from me and I will leave them alone. I know that most of the time it isn't my fault what happens, but still my body takes responsibility for all of it. 

Every day I spend so much strength and energy on this that I am constantly tired. My heart is almost always racing and I have a hard time breathing. My mind is racing with thoughts of what I should do or what I should have done next time I meet or see someone. I just can't stop myself from doing so. It might be normal to some point, but not to the extend I do it and I know it.

I am always working on ways to avoid these thoughts and ways of reacting, but it is difficult on my own. After this summer my therapist and I will work on new strategies on managing this. 

Then maybe I will be able to stop worrying so much and finally start living life to the fullest. 

Look at our living room in Norway

Our living and dining room is one great big room and I wanted to show you parts from it together with the kitchen. Come join me on this little tour. 

One of my favorite corners of our dining room area. The suitcase was my parents, the black and brown boxes on top were writing cases belonging to my grandparents on my fathers side made by my great grandfather, on top is a small iron from my grandmother on my mothers side. Behind the candles is a small tray made by my uncle, the red box is a heart given to me by my cousin, and on the wall is a clock, currently not working, from my grandparents on my fathers side. In the frame is a record that my husbands grandfather plays on. 

Our TV corner. The three pictures left from right are one a gift to me from the University of Tromso when I graduated, two a gift to Sofie from my cousin and three a native american art piece from my husbands father. The big chest under the TV is my inheritance from one of my favorite uncles who died almost ten years ago. 

The fire place. The lantern was a gift from my aunt and uncle, the milk pail was here when we moved in and the big round pail is my dads old bathtub from when he was a child. 

I like it simple, but my windows are filled with plants. 

The dining room area with the door to the kitchen. 

On the other side of the kitchen door and across from the fire place. My husbands drum set and my book shelves. A little crowded, but I'm trying to organize it better. 

Our kitchen with its one green wall that we will paint as soon as we can. I made a great big magnet wall for all the papers that comes into our house from a metal sheet. It is my favorite part of the kitchen. 

So that was the tour of our living, dining and kitchen. The rest of the house consists of four bedrooms, a bath, a powder room, laundry room and several small storage rooms. 

Thank you for visiting. 

Daybook June

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...
I have the view of a rain drained valley. 

I am thinking...
about the class I will take tomorrow and the long drive I will have today.

I am thankful...
that I will have a good friend with me in the car.

In the kitchen...
is where I sit by the kitchen table writing. 

I am wearing...
jeans and a sweater. 

I am creating...
a baby dress and gifts. 

I am going...
to Alta, Norway in an hour. A six hour drive from here. 

I am wondering...
Why time never flies when you want it to. 

I am reading...

 books by Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt. 

I am hoping...

 The driving conditions will be good despite the rain.  

I am looking forward to...

 Spending the night at a hotel in my own company.

I am learning

 to take better care of my home from my dad. 

Around the house...

 there is chaos as my parents are visiting and we are leaving for the US in less than a week.

I am pondering...

 About what to pack for everyone.

A favorite quote for today...

 I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.

One of my favorite things...

are having a whole day to myself doing something meaningful. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:

Wednesday a class and drive home again.
Thursday finish work and pick up the house.
Friday I have to clean and pack.
Saturday Sofie attends a birthday party and the girls family party is afterwards.
Sunday I got to finish packing. 

A peek into my day...

 Making time go by by doing laundry and watching CSI Las Vegas. Then drive to Alta. 

Picture of the day is of my cat and dog helping me in my home office

Linking up to

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.no/2014/06/june-july-daybook-editions.html

What will I do.

I am at a cross roads. 

What will I be in my career. 

I got an education.

Teacher.

In religion.

I have a job.

Just till September.

Then what will I do.

I have applied.

But never heard back.

I don't dare call myself.

Having anxiety.

Of calling or visiting.

Makes it hard.

To find a job.

 Or get connections.

I have a job.

Writing plans. 

It will be over.

Will I get to teach then.

Will I be able to handle teaching.

I don't know.

What will I do?

What talents should I rely upon?

In finding a new job.

Vacation now.

Grateful Sunday 41

This week sure was busy getting ready for the birthday parties. Sometimes when it gets busy it is hard to see what you are grateful for. I have had to think hard when I sat down this afternoon, but I found so many little things from these two birthday parties I have hosted that I am grateful for that I was able to throw together a list. Now I just want to put a sign around my neck...

This week I am grateful for
301. The hugs that Isabels friends gave me at the party.
302. The help I received from my whole family in making these parties possible.
303. The fact that I have an old barn to hold the parties in when it is raining.
304. My husband making dinner on a busy day.
305. The sun shining through the skies.
306. All the moms and dads who came and stayed at Sofies birthday party.
307. Finding that I kind of have green fingers when it comes to potted plants.
308. All the wonderful friends my kids have made since we moved here.
309. Bubbels and balloons and the fun kids have of them.
310. My husband for putting the kids to bed.

What are you grateful for?

The perfect conditions

I didn't get anything done today as I was waiting for the perfect conditions to go outside.

The weather has been so nice for so long and all of the sudden it had to start raining. 

I still have to get the barn ready for the party, but I will ask my dad to help with that as it is something we can do despite the rain.  

I also have more painting to do, but for that I will have to wait till it stops raining. 

Tomorrow is the last day of my bipolar class I have been taken the past few months. It is a class where we learn to live with bipolar, we learn how to handle stress and are given tools to use during manic attacks and depressions. On our last day we are to bring our families and my whole family wants to attend. Tomorrow they will be able to learn about being bipolar and what they can to do help me in my ups and downs. I have the very best family. 

I am still struggling to find things to write about, but since nobody except me seems to know that this blog is out here I guess I can write whatever I want to. 

So I guess I will take these wise words to heart and just get it done tomorrow.

What do you need to get done?