Carrousel

Sometimes my life feels like a carrousel.

It goes round and round with its ups and downs. 

Today we went to the zoo and the kids got to ride on a carrousel there. 

We have been busy while being on vacation. 

Shopping and sightseeing. 

Visit to the beach.

Birthday party and hanging out with friends. 

It is hectic.

I'm having a hard time finding time to everyone and everything. 

I think I'm up rather than down. 

Turning around faster and faster. 

Tomorrow we will divide up.

My cousin and I will be downtown. 

Sightseeing and visiting the art museum. 

I am just hoping to be able to visit with more friends. 

 My carrousel keeps turning around. 

Not willing to stop anytime soon. 

The trip

Family

I have some very good friends.

For me they are family.

They want me in their lives. 

They accept me for who I am

and when I'm down they try to bring me up.

They love me for who I am 

and does not try to change me. 

My family is a mix of blood relatives

and friends who have chosen me.

I am blessed.

Sunshine

So far this summer the weather have been dreary. 

We had a week or so with sun and warm temperatures. 

The rest of the time it has been gray and rainy. 

We are so excited to go to Seattle.

The weather service reports really nice weather when we come. 

We are in need of some sunny weather. 

I wanted to go out running today.

The rain and wind made be stay inside. 

Found this quote on Pintrest.

It reminded me that I need to carry my own sunshine on the inside. 

A smile in my heart.

Random thoughts

Worrying

I saw my therapist today and we reflected upon my habit of worrying about days past and days coming. I am a worrying person and it sure does steel me of strength. 

I worry about what others are thinking of me. I worry if they like me or not. I worry that others might get angry with me. I worry that it is my responsibility to make everyone happy. I feel like everything that goes wrong around me is all my fault. 

My mind knows I am not responsible in any way for other peoples happiness, but my body disagrees.  I know that what people think of me is not my problem as long as I am myself. If people don't like me then they can stay away from me and I will leave them alone. I know that most of the time it isn't my fault what happens, but still my body takes responsibility for all of it. 

Every day I spend so much strength and energy on this that I am constantly tired. My heart is almost always racing and I have a hard time breathing. My mind is racing with thoughts of what I should do or what I should have done next time I meet or see someone. I just can't stop myself from doing so. It might be normal to some point, but not to the extend I do it and I know it.

I am always working on ways to avoid these thoughts and ways of reacting, but it is difficult on my own. After this summer my therapist and I will work on new strategies on managing this. 

Then maybe I will be able to stop worrying so much and finally start living life to the fullest. 

Look at our living room in Norway

Our living and dining room is one great big room and I wanted to show you parts from it together with the kitchen. Come join me on this little tour. 

One of my favorite corners of our dining room area. The suitcase was my parents, the black and brown boxes on top were writing cases belonging to my grandparents on my fathers side made by my great grandfather, on top is a small iron from my grandmother on my mothers side. Behind the candles is a small tray made by my uncle, the red box is a heart given to me by my cousin, and on the wall is a clock, currently not working, from my grandparents on my fathers side. In the frame is a record that my husbands grandfather plays on. 

Our TV corner. The three pictures left from right are one a gift to me from the University of Tromso when I graduated, two a gift to Sofie from my cousin and three a native american art piece from my husbands father. The big chest under the TV is my inheritance from one of my favorite uncles who died almost ten years ago. 

The fire place. The lantern was a gift from my aunt and uncle, the milk pail was here when we moved in and the big round pail is my dads old bathtub from when he was a child. 

I like it simple, but my windows are filled with plants. 

The dining room area with the door to the kitchen. 

On the other side of the kitchen door and across from the fire place. My husbands drum set and my book shelves. A little crowded, but I'm trying to organize it better. 

Our kitchen with its one green wall that we will paint as soon as we can. I made a great big magnet wall for all the papers that comes into our house from a metal sheet. It is my favorite part of the kitchen. 

So that was the tour of our living, dining and kitchen. The rest of the house consists of four bedrooms, a bath, a powder room, laundry room and several small storage rooms. 

Thank you for visiting. 

Daybook June

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...
I have the view of a rain drained valley. 

I am thinking...
about the class I will take tomorrow and the long drive I will have today.

I am thankful...
that I will have a good friend with me in the car.

In the kitchen...
is where I sit by the kitchen table writing. 

I am wearing...
jeans and a sweater. 

I am creating...
a baby dress and gifts. 

I am going...
to Alta, Norway in an hour. A six hour drive from here. 

I am wondering...
Why time never flies when you want it to. 

I am reading...

 books by Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt. 

I am hoping...

 The driving conditions will be good despite the rain.  

I am looking forward to...

 Spending the night at a hotel in my own company.

I am learning

 to take better care of my home from my dad. 

Around the house...

 there is chaos as my parents are visiting and we are leaving for the US in less than a week.

I am pondering...

 About what to pack for everyone.

A favorite quote for today...

 I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.

One of my favorite things...

are having a whole day to myself doing something meaningful. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:

Wednesday a class and drive home again.
Thursday finish work and pick up the house.
Friday I have to clean and pack.
Saturday Sofie attends a birthday party and the girls family party is afterwards.
Sunday I got to finish packing. 

A peek into my day...

 Making time go by by doing laundry and watching CSI Las Vegas. Then drive to Alta. 

Picture of the day is of my cat and dog helping me in my home office

Linking up to

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.no/2014/06/june-july-daybook-editions.html

What will I do.

I am at a cross roads. 

What will I be in my career. 

I got an education.

Teacher.

In religion.

I have a job.

Just till September.

Then what will I do.

I have applied.

But never heard back.

I don't dare call myself.

Having anxiety.

Of calling or visiting.

Makes it hard.

To find a job.

 Or get connections.

I have a job.

Writing plans. 

It will be over.

Will I get to teach then.

Will I be able to handle teaching.

I don't know.

What will I do?

What talents should I rely upon?

In finding a new job.

Vacation now.

Grateful Sunday 41

This week sure was busy getting ready for the birthday parties. Sometimes when it gets busy it is hard to see what you are grateful for. I have had to think hard when I sat down this afternoon, but I found so many little things from these two birthday parties I have hosted that I am grateful for that I was able to throw together a list. Now I just want to put a sign around my neck...

This week I am grateful for
301. The hugs that Isabels friends gave me at the party.
302. The help I received from my whole family in making these parties possible.
303. The fact that I have an old barn to hold the parties in when it is raining.
304. My husband making dinner on a busy day.
305. The sun shining through the skies.
306. All the moms and dads who came and stayed at Sofies birthday party.
307. Finding that I kind of have green fingers when it comes to potted plants.
308. All the wonderful friends my kids have made since we moved here.
309. Bubbels and balloons and the fun kids have of them.
310. My husband for putting the kids to bed.

What are you grateful for?

The perfect conditions

I didn't get anything done today as I was waiting for the perfect conditions to go outside.

The weather has been so nice for so long and all of the sudden it had to start raining. 

I still have to get the barn ready for the party, but I will ask my dad to help with that as it is something we can do despite the rain.  

I also have more painting to do, but for that I will have to wait till it stops raining. 

Tomorrow is the last day of my bipolar class I have been taken the past few months. It is a class where we learn to live with bipolar, we learn how to handle stress and are given tools to use during manic attacks and depressions. On our last day we are to bring our families and my whole family wants to attend. Tomorrow they will be able to learn about being bipolar and what they can to do help me in my ups and downs. I have the very best family. 

I am still struggling to find things to write about, but since nobody except me seems to know that this blog is out here I guess I can write whatever I want to. 

So I guess I will take these wise words to heart and just get it done tomorrow.

What do you need to get done?

Grateful Sunday 40

I went into this week knowing it was going to be busy as my parents were coming to visit. It got a little busier than I expected, but it has been a good week. I have stayed stable for weeks now and life is good.

This week I am grateful

291. For being able to host big birthday parties for the girls.

292. For my parents safely arriving here. 

293. For the help my parents gives us with the house and the kids. 

294. For finally getting to see the midnight sun this year. 

295. For being able to run 20 minutes straight. 

296. For the support I experience in my ups and downs of being bipolar. 

297. For enough firewood for the next winter. 

298. For the beautiful weather this past week. 

299. For my husbands patience with having a sick child and having my parents visiting.

300. For having a place for my thoughts to be written down. 

This next week will be even busier as I am preparing for the two birthday parties. 

What are you grateful for this week and what are you looking forward to next week?

Illness in the house

And the doctors verdict is virus. Isabel will have to ride it out. She seems better though already.
So for two days she has been home from school, now is a three day weekend due to pentecost. She should be fine after that.

I'm getting anxious about traveling now. Feel like I need to start packing, but I think I will try to wait till monday as it will be two weeks till we leave then. Considering I have so much to do next week I will have to write down a few lists of things to get done each day. Otherwise I will get really stressed and stress and bipolar don't mix very well.

A good thing now is that tonight I will get to put furniture back out on my deck as the paint will be dry then. My dad though is thinking we should paint the beams under the deck too, so I might not be done yet.

I am sort of on a shopping stop. We are saving up money for the US trip. But there are so many things I would like to buy right now. New patio furniture, pillows for the old ones, new clothes and some toys for the kids to have outside. I found the perfect furniture a few days ago, but it is so expensive. Today I found some really nice clothes, but it's just too much. I can't wait to go to the states and be able to at least shop for some clothes. Most of my summer attire now is at least four seasons old and totally worn out.

How long does your summer clothes last?

Drifting along

It is amazing how much can get done when your parents come to visit.
I was planning on painting inside my home, but ended up painting our deck instead.
The deck really needed it as it was bleached by the sun and worn by all the traffic and weather.
I just didn't think we could afford it, but my dad decided that he would buy the paint and help me paint too. So we have now spent three days painting the deck and I just have the stairs to the front door left to do. Guess I will get to that tomorrow.

This month I have to arrange four birthday parties. Sofies birthday is on the 26th of June and Isabels is on the 1st of July, both after we have left for the US. We have therefore decided to celebrate their birthdays with their friends next weekend and that makes for one party saturday and one on sunday. The weekend after that we will have a family party for them together. When we arrive in the US we will have a big birthday party for them over there too. They are two very lucky girls for sure.  Today I got out the invitations to Isabel's party and tomorrow I will do Sofies  invitations.

There is so much to do getting the barn ready for partying. I have to make tables and get enough chairs. Decorate and get the food ready. Lets just say I am getting a little bit stressed now.

My dad has spent a lot of time cutting down firewood and I have spent a lot of time moving the firewood for the winter to empty the wood drying room for the new wood my dad is bringing in. It is a never-ending job as I can't see the end to it anytime soon.

The cleaning will have to wait together with the painting of the hallways, but I will have to get some sewing done.

I am still thinking of posts to write for this blog, but I have no idea what to focus on.

Anyone have any ideas for my blog?

Post it weekend

Grateful Sunday 39

It is a beautiful morning. Everyone is still sleeping. We are having a long weekend with Thursday and Friday off. Staying home this weekend just taking it easy. Feeling blessed in so many ways and so grateful for

281. The beautiful weather we are having.
282. The forrest getting greener every day.
283. Being done with the yard work that needed be done this spring. Although I have not been able to make a vegetable garden this year either.
284. My husband getting down on the floor with the youngest one and making her a fancy railroad with our Brio train sets.
285. Being able to run almost 20 minutes straight.
286. Quiet mornings alone while everyone else is sleeping.
287. Being able to see good friends again and spending time with them.
288. Knowing my parents will come to visit on Monday and stay a while.
289. The energy I am having, but still knowing my medicine is doing its job.
290. Knowing that I have so many friends in the US who are looking forward to seeing me this summer.

What are you grateful for this week?

Being Bipolar

This post is inspired by Amy at New Nostalgia who wrote about her anxiety disorder since May is Mental awareness month.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar in the spring of last year. For years I was struggling with depressions and some periods where I felt on top of the world as I would describe it. I managed for years and had long periods where I felt fine too. A few times did I ask for help. Once when I was a teen I was so depressed that I asked for help, but by the time I got to see a therapist I was fine again and the therapist told me I had nothing there to do. Then again when I was living in the US and my therapist there diagnosed me with depression and treated that without medicine and as soon as I felt better she let me go.

Spring of last year I got sick again with a deep depression and I had to ask for help. I got to talk to a psychologist who took me seriously and who didn't just dismiss me when I started to feel better. I was medicated with an antidepressant, but these medicines has a tendency to trigger periods of mani or highs as I call it. My psychologist got to observe this and listening to me tell how I all my life had had ups ending in downs he diagnosed me with bipolar.

I stopped the antidepressants and after swinging a lot unmedicated I finally got to try some medicine for treating bipolar. One medicine made me so sick that this year I felt that I missed out on January and February by being both depressed and sick because of side effects. Right now I am on a medicine that works but I have two psychologists keeping track of my medicine and the effect I am having of them to see if I need more or a different medicine.

We are also treating some other issues I have with anxiety and social phobia. It feels good to finally get things sorted out and to feel a little bit more normal.

This winter and spring I have attended a class for Bipolar where we learn to live with our diagnosis. It is nice to be able to talk to others with the same diagnose and finally feel that we are somewhat normal in all our ups and downs.

Things that we have learned so far is that stress is bad for us (knew that), having a regular schedule is important both to not take on too much in manic periods and not to go into apathy in depressive periods (that is a little hard to do for me at least), and there are more but most important is to ask for help from family and friends (easy since I have been open about this from the beginning).

I am learning to live with my Bipolar self and my family is learning to help me. The world is finally understanding mental illnesses more and more and you can find help.
Life is finally good in it ups and downs.

This is why Mental awareness is important to me.

Spring

Spring is finally here. It does come a little late, but when it arrives it comes fast.
With spring the bugs arrives driving Sofie crazy as she is so scared of flies.
With spring the trampoline comes back outside for the kids to play and not to forget the bikes.
With spring all outside chores needs be done and you pray for sunny weather to get it out of the way.

So far I have raked the lawn removing all the branches that fell off the trees this winter in all the storms that came by. I have removed a ton of dog poop that were hidden in the snow. I have worked in one of my flower beds. And I have started refilling our firewood stock.

Jesse has started cutting down trees that needed to go either because they were to big or too close to the fences. And he is looking into things that he can do to the house.

The kids have put up a show behind the garage, playing with water and dirt making apple juice and cakes to sell. And today Sofie and her best friend kept riding their bikes back and from visiting each other all day.

It is such a freedom living here and we love it.

Now I just have to find more projects to do as the weather is supposed to stay nice next week too.
My parents arrive on Monday and will stay for three weeks and knowing my dad he has lots of projects in mind for our home. He likes it that way and at almost 70 of age he does not know how to sit still.

My next projects will have to be to plant flowers at the graveyard and at my home.
Paint the second coat in the hallway upstairs as it is almost a year and half since the first coat was painted.
Paint the hallway downstairs and rehang all the pictures on the walls.
Clean the kitchen and the living room.
Wash windows.
I also have a sewing project to get done for work and some knitting projects to get done.

What kind of plans do you have?

Our Farm house

I thought I would show you all our home. We bought it fall of 2012 and moved in right before Christmas. We really enjoy our home and are trying to find ways of making it more ours. Currently we have no farm animals except of a cat and a dog. And we rent out our land to someone who has horses.
The picture is taken in the fall when we bought the house. It has four bedrooms, one bath and a powder room. Three storage rooms, a combined living dining room, and big kitchen.  In the basement there is a laundry room, garage, and three more storage rooms.
The first part of the barn where they used to have cows at one point.
The second part of the barn where the hay used to be stored. This is how much snow we had the first winter in our new home. I spent a whole day shoveling it out of the way to get into the barn. A winter shot of our home

Grateful Sunday 38

I am switching between Sundays and Mondays on this as I am out of routine with blogging.
That is just how it is when it has been two years since I last blogged regularly. I think it is a good thing I have this one post once a week to get me started again, then I just have to find other topics to write about as I stumble along.

This week though I am grateful for
271. Meetings that went really well.
272. A running program that works.
273. Medicine that keeps me level even though there is a lot of stress.
274. A family who is supportive during times of stress at work.
275. Having people telling me to my face they appreciate all the work I do.
276. A community that comes together for social gatherings at the local community house.
277. The forrest getting greener each day as the snow melts away.
278. All the birds returning and singing their songs.
279. The midnight sun has returned and makes me so happy.
280. This years first grill party on Saturday with my whole family there, aunt, uncle and two cousins.

This upcoming week has a lot of new adventures to it and I am both excited and anxious about it.
Hope you all have a great week.a

Inspired by

Grateful Monday

I am grateful for
261. The warm weather melting the snow away.
262. The sound of the river by my house.
263. The sound of all the birds arriving and getting ready for a busy season.
264. A free and independent country.
265. Energy to run.
266. Hugs and kisses from my girls.
267. Knowing my parents are coming to visit soon.
268. Time spent reading good books.
269. Being able to tape what I want to watch on TV.
270. My snuggly cat.

Grateful Sunday 36

I am so grateful for my life right now and here are a few things that I want to highlight.
351. A beautiful house where my family thrives.
352. A big family that supports me in all I do.
353. A job that is flexible.
354. Two very healthy kids.
355. A husband who is with me through everything.
356. Friends who understand that you have both good and bad days.
357. A coffee machine that makes perfect coffee every time.
358. Spring is around the corner.
359. The music on my phone keeping me company at work.
360. Health to work out again.
What are you grateful for now?
Linking up to

Goals and to do's

cred: http://aurevoircinderella.tumblr.com

Okay so maybe not doable, but some goals have to be a little unrealistic so that you have something to stretch for.
In my last to do list post I wrote that I would like to run a 5K. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would actually do it, but I did in May 2012. Together with my best friend I made to the finish line.
Lets just say it ended there…, but this year we are traveling back to the states for a vacation and we decided to do another 5K together again. I have not been running in two years. I am living in a place with dirt roads and lots of snow and now mud everywhere. It won’t be easy, but again it is so unrealistic for me that I will totally do my best to make it again.
On July 13th 2014 I will run the See Jane Run 5K in Seattle and I will make it.
I am already doing my From couch potato to 5K runner training and have got to week three so far. It is hard and not too motivating doing it by myself, but knowing my friend is waiting for me over there to run with me motivates me a lot.
It is good to have something and someone motivating you to exercise and this time I will have to keep it up even after the race. There is a goal to be reached.
This weeks goals are to keep on running, get some work done, do some strengthening exercises and have fun with my girl who is going on a gymnast camp.
What are your goals for this week?

My daybook

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...

I am thinking...
about the beautiful weather outside and the fact that I am inside.

I am thankful...
that spring is finally here even though there is still snow everywhere.

In the kitchen...
I am cooking dinner for us and fish for the cat. 

I am wearing...
jeans and a blouse with a cardigan over. 

I am creating...
owl baskets and a pair of socks.

I am going...
to my class very soon.

I am wondering...
If I have time to finish this post and if I can figure out how to link it up. 

I am reading...

 The Journey West by Elaine Schulte in an attempt to read all the books in my bookshelf. 

I am hoping...

 I will do well on my run tonight, as I am training to get ready for a 5K run in July. 

I am looking forward to...

 my class this afternoon, where I will learn more about living with Bipolar.

I am learning

 that living a healthy life with minimal stress, keeps the symptoms away.

Around the house...

 the dust bunnies are multiplying in the sun.

I am pondering...

 when I will find time to vacuum yet again.

A favorite quote for today...

 a woman with a clean house doesn’t read enough books.

One of my favorite things...

 is my coffee machine that makes perfect coffee every time I need one. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:

 I need to bake a cake for a friend by Friday, work on Thursday and tomorrow maybe go for a walk and visit a friend. 

A peek into my day...

 today was running errands and grocery shopping, make some foods ready for the week and work a little. 

Picture of the day is the view from our home late at night

Linking to
http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Changes in my life

I just sat down to read a few of the last posts I wrote before I all of the sudden just stopped. It is funny how into it I was for a while and then it got all sporadic and then nothing. I do know why though. The stress of trying to sell our condo, running our MOPS group and trying to stay on top of everything concerning moving to Norway was taking its toll on me and I was slowly going into a depression again.

I wrote this a year ago. Just before going into such a deep depression that I had to ask for help. So much was going on around me and I finally felt I couldn’t handle it all anymore. 

The last two years in the US were very stressful for me and my family. Sofie was sick almost all the time, we were struggling financially and we decided to move back to Norway again. 

Spring of 2012 were especially hectic as I not only were dealing with things at home, but I was running a MOPS group with my friends and in the process of selling our condo we constantly had people running in and out wanting to see our place, which meant that I had to have it looking perfect all the time. 

We finally got the condo sold, moved in with my mother in law, packed everything we could into 32 boxes and sold off everything else. Then we moved to Norway on June 27th 2012 after saying goodbye to all our family and wonderful friends at a big party the day before. 

In Norway we moved in with my aunt and uncle. They were wonderful, but it was hard living at times eight people under one roof, but by Christmas we were able to buy a house only 1.5 mile down the road from my family and move in. 

My husband started working at a local grocery store and quickly advanced there. Now he is a store manager at a competing store. I started working as a substitute at two different schools, but by march 2013 I was going into a deep depression and had to ask for help. 

With the support of doctors, psykatrist, and my family and friends I was able to come out of it by the summer and over the summer by careful examination of my shifting moods, I was diagnosed with bipolar. 

I have chosen to be open about this as I am still me and this is now a part of me and it has been for many years, being undiagnosed. 

I hope now that I will be back at writing again as it is really helping me being creative.